so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
