i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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