I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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