And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
