Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
