Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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