sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
