can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
