I bet he comes in French.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
