wanna go halves on a baby?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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