Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
