And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
