Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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