Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
