I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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