between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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