Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
