Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
