My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
they need to just BURY HIM!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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