i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
