I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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