How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
