I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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