i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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