Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
