Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize