I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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