I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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