hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
