i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
