forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
40s are totally the cure
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
