maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
