hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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