another moral hangover. fuck.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
