The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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