Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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