even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
