Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
