You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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