I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
