No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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