I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
