Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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