help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
