Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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