So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
