Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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