i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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