I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
