omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
